Why The Hell Do I Do This?
Just a few days ago I landed at a new farm in Southern Colorado with my almost three-year-old son. The farm is on the outskirts of an incredibly small town called Crestone, with a population of only 1,800. The high elevation makes for an extreme environment to live in and it’s a popular place for the mosquitoes to thrive during the summer because there is marsh down in the valley and the wind blows them up this direction.
I was excited to arrive at our new destination, as I always am when we are headed somewhere unknown. It’s such a rush to explore new territory, new towns and new people. I love to see the various changes in nature and wildlife as we go from place to place. I love to observe what’s similar and what’s vastly different from wherever we go.
The host of this farm is an incredibly inspiring and knowledgeable woman; truly a hard worker and I admire everything she’s accomplished and the wisdom she’s gained over the years. Robin teaches primitive and survival courses, as well as founding the town’s beautiful community garden and building up a wonderful medicinal food and wild herb garden. Her home is made out of hay bales and adobe and it only cost her 6,000 to build. It’s an incredibly gorgeous and cozy cabin. There is an outdoor kitchen available to us wwoofers, and outdoor solar shower (but to be honest the hose works better, ha!) and we are open to set our tents up anywhere on the lush forest property.
On the afternoon I’d arrived, I was securing my cooler in the creek and made the mistake of wearing thin, tight pants. I had no idea mosquitoes could bite so well through a layer of clothing! I was swarmed with the annoying little bugs. I quickly got the ice chest in place and bolted out of there. My son was irritated from the bites he’d received as well and I took a moment with him to take a breath from the comforts of inside our tent… We then went down to the community garden with Robin and I must admit, the surrounding views of the mountains are just spectacular. Robin gave us a tour and showed me everything she needed help with. The list consisted of weeding, harvesting, spreading compost, building new beds, tending the plants, helping with the horse and keeping the gardens organized – mind you I will be doing all of this with my toddler at my side…
Night rolled around and we crawled into our tent. It’d only been a day but my skin was so irritated from bug bites, my cheeks and nose a bit sunburned and my son was resisting sleep. All I wanted was some mommy quiet time and to let my thoughts calm down a bit. As I was attempting to get Sirian to bed, I wondered to myself: Why the hell do I do this?
Ever since I received the news of being pregnant, my lifestyle completely transformed. I felt inspired to get out of the house I was renting and go enjoy nature for the remainder of my pregnancy. During those months I realized going back to my old life would never be the same. The power and beauty of nature, and the simple life, had sucked me in and taught me so much. I was now so driven to make this world a better place, for myself and others. I was determined to let go of my old fast-paced ways and to learn how to slow down and enjoy life differently than I had before. I was inspired to start visiting farms and communities of people who shared a similar vision of coming together and building community in a whole new way.
For the last couple years, I have done nothing but explore, write, push myself, and trust in the unknown. For the fellow astrology fans out there - my Saturn is in Sagittarius, which I feel plays a huge role in my drive to explore and gain higher knowledge in this lifetime. I’ve wondered to myself, why not just keep it simple and find some place to rent again? Why live out of my van like this? Why dedicate so much of my time to hard work on farms and late nights of writing? Why deal with bug bites, crappy out-door showers, dirty finger nails, and letting my hair go wild? Why only have a suitcase full of clothes and bounce around all the time? The answer is simple – growth… I want to see how strong I really am. I want to know what I am truly capable of. I want to meet all the inspiring people out there who are making things happen. I want to be healthier. I want to face the mysterious unknown. I want to be grateful for all that we have in this world. I thirst to see the beauty of this planet. I desire to have deep conversations with the strangers I encounter. And the most important reason is because I want to manifest my dream of building a healing sanctuary.
For so many years, I sat idle in my bedroom. I was terrified of the outside world and I was scared of myself. Laziness was definitely my reality and I felt such a discontent in life. I had no idea what my purpose was and I struggled with why I was existing at all. I know this lifestyle I am currently living is not easy; it comes with many challenges, but it’s worth it! Every day I feel more confident, stronger, gaining energy and a new sense of pride in myself. I find it crucial to learn vital farming skills, to know how to work with the Earth and to live more sustainably. I am honored to be able to visit all these places and to learn from others. I want to build something amazing on this planet and I am grateful to see and share all the wonderful stuff that already exists!
My dream is to establish a thriving Eco-village… I want to work with children, grow food, have lots of time to play and explore the wild. I desire to live with other powerful co-creators and to celebrate life together. I want to establish a network of support for mama’s, dad’s, children, teens, and the elderly… I want to develop a place where all feel loved, accepted and encouraged to be their unique self. I want to create a place where others can feel a sense of security, learn new skills, have a place to ground out and to participate in something worthwhile.
I know I still have a long journey ahead, but my heart is full of so much faith and hope. I have the courage to keep pushing forward and I will make this dream a reality. I am so grateful for the wonderful beings in my life, my family and dear friends who have given my son and I so much support. Even though I have felt alone at times, I know I’m really not and for that I am truly thankful!
If you would like to check out my first published book, Diary of a Starseed – you can order a copy here
If you would like to donate in support of this vision and assisting in our travels – please visit: gofundme.com/healingwithgaia
I truly appreciate any support you can offer, whether it’s monetary or prayers and positive vibes, we are grateful!